Fired The Babysitter...

Oh I have much to tell you fine people this morning.

I came home from work on Wednesday night, and I nearly stopped to get something to eat before getting there. I decided not to, and came right home. I couldn't wait to see the baby.

I walked up the stairs, and I heard her crying. Screaming. I fumbled with my keys and opened the door. I could see the babysitter sitting on the couch in the living room. She was asleep or unconscious. It looked like something was wrong with her. I did not see the baby, but heard her screaming from her room. I thought to myself "let me go tell her I'm home and make sure she's okay, then I'll go check on the babysitter". As I walked toward her crib, I saw something moving on her changing table. It took me a moment to digest the fact that my child was on her changing table. The strap was buckled. A blanket had been on her but was now kicked onto her face. She was struggling, screaming, twisting as far as she could.

I do not know how long she had been there.

I took the baby off the table, calmed her down, made sure she was okay (as best I could) and walked into the living room, where the sitter was still sleeping. I had to call her another 5 times, and finally shook her. Now, she has been sleeping through my calling, yelling, and the baby screaming like I'd never heard before. I was scared. I thought...is she dead? Did she have a stroke? Finally she woke up and appeared totally disoriented. I would have thought she had been drinking if I didn't know her as well as I do.

She jumped up, told me she had gotten a terrible headache, that the baby was tired, but didn't want to sleep. She tried everything to help her sleep (this is true during the day, Maggie needs to be put in her crib and left alone for 10 minutes and then she falls fast asleep for upwards of an hour. The 10 minutes are full of crying and it's hard as hell to do). She said that as she was changing her diaper, the baby fell asleep, so instead of chancing it and putting her in the crib, she buckled the strap and....left her there to go sit down for a moment. In another room!

I understand that you don't feel well. I get it. But my sister is 10 minutes away and will be there in a flash if you call her (all numbers were given to her and posted on the fridge). It took a very long time for me to calm down and get past the fact that had I not come home when I did, my child would most certainly have either been on the floor or suffocated on her blanket. I'm still not past it entirely. My head was swimming. But the babysitter just didn't leave. She stayed, she apologized, then she tried to talk and talk and ask me questions and calm me down. It was all I could do not to say "you need to go. and please don't come back". I needed to sort out my head and my feelings.

Once she finally left, I spent time with Maggie and eventually put her to bed. The Italian called and I told him a diluted story of what happened. I gave him both barrells the next day. I didn't sleep well, I had dreams of black magick and terrible things. When I told him the undiluted truth, I had already made up my mind 100% to fire the babysitter. He agreed. We told her this morning. She didn't take it well. I felt so bad for her, but I know that Maggie's safety has to come before anything and everything else. She said she understood, that she knows we wouldn't be comfortable. I told her she could come up and see the baby, and she said she couldn't, it would break her heart. I don't understand that part, but I have to do this. It's going to be hard living there now, with her working downstairs everyday. I've known her for nearly 10 years.

And now we need to find someone who can work 2 afternoons per week and who we can trust with our child. I'd love to know if any of you have any suggestions on questions to ask and background checking tips. I'd greatly appreciate it.

Wow. So THIS is stress. Now I get it! :) Hope you're all well.