A seriously off day.

I did the diabetes education thing yesterday and while at the place, I did the little thing to my finger, even though it totally freaked me out. Then later I had to do it again. I nailed my pinky and out came a geiser. I couldnt believe it. Then when I came home later, I was scared to do it. But I did. And nothing would come out. I hit 4 different fingers with 3 different needles. I couldn't get enough blood to test and those bitches HURT!

This morning I just couldn't do it. I had a meltdown. I had such an awful morning. I was depressed and anxious, and I felt like, how can I be a good mother when I can't do this to make sure everything will be alright for the baby. But when I got to work, I decided I had no choice. I had to do it. I tried again - and failed. 3 friggin times. And my boss walks into my office as if my door isn't closed. WTF?? Taught him a lesson though! I don't think he'll do that again. You don't expect to see someone sitting there with a bloody hand I guess.

So now I'm nearly out of needles and the damn testing strips. I will get more tomorrow through a prescription from my Long Island doctor, so I get today and tomorrow off from testing, and I admit that I'm happy about the little break.

Speaking of my Long Island and my NYC doctors - I called the NYC guy to make sure they'd gotten my fax (which told them that I'd been glucose tested and was diabetic - which I found out way before I would have had I waited for my appt with him, which was to be today) which cancelled my appointment. You know what I was told? I'm not a patient there anymore. As far as their concerned I've switched practices. I never said that - I told them I wanted to be covered in NYC and Long Island. They were so rude, you have no idea. I suppose I should have waited and risked my baby and myself so that I wouldn't hurt this guy's feelings by testing postive for diabetes while there was still time to control it. Jeez, what a bitch I am.

The bad thing is that I'm so totally screwed if I go into labor while spending my 12 hours per day in the city. I'll have to be someplace where no one knows me or has any of my records.

Of course, I'm going through some serious sugar withdrawal and work is way too busy right now for my energy levels.

I'll stop bitching now. See you later.